bloodoccasionn

i feel like writing a strong piece on some views that have been eating at me and i fear that ive i project them to particular people, they may take offence, even when its not intended.

i hate what this world is becoming

kids grow up to fast

violence is all around us

yet people put it in movies...and audiences all over the world ENJOY IT?

depression is becoming more frequent

the need for money and power is growing

anger and hate is more noticed then love and kindness



i dont know why this is happening?

bring the troops home.
every solider has a mother.

stop using so much power
we want our kids to have a safe world.

stop killing the whales.
we want these animals to live!

stop thinking bad things
think love. happiness. prosperos life.


things get me down. im not going to sit here and type and pretend im happy 24/7. im not going to pretend there isnt one or two people out there that i hate. But i dont go about it in such revenge and spite as to commit crimes. 

the world needs to realise we dont have much time left before we cant fix the damage we are causing.

listen to Al Gore.
listen to John Butler
listen to Davey Havok & AFI
listen to Jared Leto

LISTEN TO ALL THE ACTIVIST IN THE WORLD WHO PUT THERE ASSES ON THE LINE EVERY DAY FOR YOUR WELL BEING

its not that hard to walk to a rubbish bin thats a foot away to stop pollution
its not that hard to walk away when your pressued into smoking or drugs
its not that hard to turn some lights off or some appliences off at the powerpoint

its just not that hard.


i cant stress enough that time is running out

but i fear we are already to late...

so many raw feelings i just keep pushing away

i know i need to face them. but i just cant. not now. 
theres no one to catch me when i fall.

im second best. and i know they dont mean it to be that way. but its always going to be that way. i came in to late, late to the party, and all the groups have formed and im an outsider. 

i dont look forward to my birthday. 

something has just hit me so hard like 45 mins ago that has completely ripped apart my happiness.

life isnt THAT bad at the moment. but things happen that are so unfair. 

"lifes abuse" - jamestown story.

ive let to many friendships slip away.

i cant shake the feeling that theres something i just cant live up to. im to different, to individual. to unhappy. 

i try to make me mark, set me footprint in the world, but the water keeps washing it away and off the shore

no matter what i do someone is never happy with me. i should just wash it all out to oblivion. surely no one can be mad at me then...

people say i dont trust enough
i say i trust to much
people say i am beautiful
i say im ugly
people try to cheer me up
i just put myself down
people blame others
i blame myself

i guess people are trying to make me see something that isnt there.

to be truly honest ive seen enough in my life time [sounds queer but true] to make your skin crawl. 
but i still have fears.

i have those fears that you dont understand why you have them... like spiders. im deadly afraid of them. just the way they crawl and have 57485393 eyes... and needles. im always so sure its gonna hurt 10 times more then it really does. and as usal im always wrong...maybe its just the stupid nurse telling me its "just like a mossy bite" pfft whatever slut.

but then there is my fears that i know were they stem and understand them completely. 
i am scared of all the abusers and rapist in this world. im scared for the children i will be attempting to rescue when i leave school. i originally wanted to be a psychologist. i am still going to do that but then i wanna be a social worker. getting kids out of abusive houses and then repairing the mental scars the abuse has left on the children.

im scared of the increasing amount of bulmics anorexics and people who commit themselves to cosmetic surgery. i am scared someone ilove will give in to this. the pressue the media puts on people, espically girls is horrible! 

im scared of losing andrew. i love that boy more then i love my bed. thats saying something. andrew is my world. the best friend i have. and ever will have. he is everythng i want. an older brother, who is stubborn when it comes to boyfriends, and wants to protect my virginaty as long as he can. when i first met andrew he took along time to warm up to me, he actually found me bouncy and annoying. he actually "shot" me with a L9 something or other. lmao. that was funny. then he had a break down one night and me and mel were thre. ever since andrew and i just get closer and closer. and he told me he wants to join the army. i cryed for a week. literally. here was this perfect man. soon to be my best friend, shipping himself off, for what looked to me like a form of suicide. he failed the entry test however, and didnt get in. i love him more then i love ANYONE in this world. and if i ever lost him, i would, without doubt, kill myself.

im scared of depression. 

im scared of being alone for the rest of my life.

im scared of what will become of my brother. hes not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed and ill be outta here in 2 yrs.so i cant be here! i dont know what will happen to him.

im scared my american/chinese/european etc friends will forget me.

im scared of what is to become of this world. we have realised what we have done to ruin this earth. but is it to late....

cold night
gentle fright
bottomless beer
neverending cheer
distant buzz
lost fuzz
hollow soul
taking toll
screams echo
sorrow follows
dark room
loud boom
horrible drop
sad stop

sooo another day another 24 hours of my life gone

had squirm over for the night. i love spending time with her. im always happy :] gotta be a good sign there. also saw alex & megan. not for long tho. very upsetting :( i want amy to come home. so we can laugh at thinks no one else understands haha

andrews back on track. and he MIGHT even come to aust this december. still no word from Mel. scared. i emailed her incase time difference is screwed. that was 2 days ago...

GOT ACADEMY IS... TICKETS IN TEH MAIL TODAY!!! and we bought fall out boy tickets yestrday
i want bullet && taste of chaos tickets. :D and hellogoodbye. yeah greedy huh.

we need some totally rocking festivals out here. and for 30 seconds to mars the 69 eyes and kill hannah AND AFI to come out!!! :D that would make my day!!

yeah formed a little obesession over Davey Havok. hes hot <3
  HOTTTTTT   


yummy heheheeh

ok thats all from me :]

in life && death
bec
xxxx

bit over this
she needs to grow up
and leave me alone
i dont like her
and thats not gonna change
so she should really leave me alone

blahh


got to speak to rachel today :] very pleased. melly graduated yestrday. soooo proud. december is gonna be the best ever. i just wish andrew would come out. he needs the holiday

exams are over. the science one was a load of crap. mr heller needs to remove his head from the clouds and teach year 10 science. wish we had scorgie. he knows what hes doing and i hate seeing D or F on my work! i know that sounds anal but frankly i dont care anymore.

got two party invited this week. stoked. dragging my mates to the second one. hopefully they will enjoy themselves :]

mums been a real bitch. she needs to remove the poker from her fucking ass if you ask me. god. there is no way i can stop the dog taking a wiz. hell i dont even know when hes gonna TAKE a wiz! and somehow it is mine or harry's fault. poor kid.

thats all i think

in life and death
bec
xxxxx

exams are nearly over. soooo shit. but i passed maths. which is FINE :D i thnk mums gonna keep up her end of the bargain and send me to tassie to see stuart n scotty. id like that alot. 

spent yestrday after the lit exam and math tutes with squirm prue and kate. it was the best fun. lmao kate n squirm. what i would do with out them i duno

.
lmaooo yes we need lives i think. they are coming over to my house tomorrow. we is in for a jolly good time.

i worry more and more about andrew. he is taking his national guard test again and i hope to god he dosnt pass. i kno that is a horrible thng to say but i dont . i want him safe, not out on battle front dieing for his country coz fuck his country i fucking need him. so does my melly. i love that girl. she makes me n katie feel so young :]

getting academy is... tickets as well. that should be sooo good. william beckett <3 sex and a half

im worried about james to, hes literally got no one bar me n mel. and we cant do alot from aust & china :(
id like to be over ther with him atm. this ayla thing is gettingto him far to much and i dnt know what to do to help.

i cant be everywere i supose bt im no use to anyone here.

i hate her. she isnt getting a name because alot of people read this. but shes a gay hore and i hope she gets a wack over the head. how dare she speak to me like that. faggot.

thats all now. im about to kil someone.

over the edge
and over again
he breaks her heart
like its all a game

shes not sticking around
for him to do it more
shes had enough of this
its killing her to the core

she cant take it
she had such high hopes
and he breaks her again
i dont know how she copes

ths is the last night
as her blood slides 
down the walls
she rans and hides

her shadow disappears
and her breathe grows short
she hopes he gets
the lesson this taught.


[babeh please stop doing this to me. you know who you are. stop playing with my mind and make ur fucking mind up. love me or not!]

there you go...
just like that
gone outta my life
gone in a flash

didnt even give me a chance
to say good bye
u left me so hollow
all i can do is cry

you promised not to forget
you promised ud be there
you promised u would love me always
you promised you would always care

you lied to me
and broke my heart
is this what u wanted?
for me to fall apart?

but what confuses me
is you cause me so much pain
if u wanted to come back
id open my heart again

how is it you know me
inside out and upside down
you used to make me smile
now all i do is frown

so thanks for the memories
and whatever u did to me
to make me so happy
to make me kneal down and plee

please dont do this
you know how much i need you
there isnt many i love
infact there is very few

but i love you
and i dont know how to say
you should now by now
feelings and words arent my fort`e

think of me
when ur alone
remember who was there
all along

i held ur hand
held up ur head
kept u close to my heart
and cleared your dread

ive loved you
for as long as ive know you
remember all the good times
all the hard times too

but now i must be gone
for ur forgetting me as we speak
as i become nothing but a distant memorie
cold alone and weak